Shameless Self Promotion ;-) ™ © ℠ ®

Finally I got my eye donor card. So now officially I have pledged my eyes.
When My cousin saw the card he said,”Why don’t you just donate your one eye to some one? you can live with one eye easily.” I felt offended but as I respect him a lot I didn’t say anything. Even my mom was mad at me for this. Amazingly my dad, whom I consider the most conservative person on earth, said, “Its your life. If your innerself finds it good then it must be good. Dont worry about your mom.” Thanks Dad.
So this is just a marketing post, post to promote good thing called pledging your eyes, not to promote shameless Kumar Chetan Sharma.
Lets start the process. So I wont ask you to pledge your eyes. Its your own decision. You do it for yourself not for me and not for anyone else. I can just help you in some things.

Point 1.
Prepare your parents and your near and dear ones for this. No one will allow to temper his/her loved one’s dead body. But what is the meaning of a dead body. I am not religious. Known atheist. But one book I will recommend reading is Shree Mad Bhagwad Geeta. The book will not ask you to worship idols, images or read those mantras. It simply says, do your duty, dont hurt any one. This body is like a piece of cloth that will be burned, according to Hindu customs, and will be merged into atmosphere. If you are a Hindu, this will convince your loved ones. Don’t pledge your eyes if your loved ones don’t allow you. In my case I had to give n reasons to convince my mom and dad. My mom even slapped me for this. Anyway. But prepare your folks for this.

Point 2.
Let every one know that you have pledged your eyes. Yes tell it. The point is not to boast about it but to educate every one about it. Make people think that this is not a big deal. Any one can do this. The basic advantage is that in case you die every one will remember that you have pledged your eyes and it was your utmost desire that your eyes may be reused.

Point 3.
Keep your eye donor card with you always. Why? Common sense. This game called life can be over any second. I am not sure I will survive to type 4th point. So being a true IT Guy I will suggest U keep Backup and keep UR eye donor card with you always.

Point 4.
Take care of the eyes you are currently using. I have perfect eyesight. But I will be still going to see a doctor this week for a small eye surgery. This surgery is pending for last 9-10 months. But in all my eye tests docs have given me a clean chit.

There is one design principle. Re-usability. My eyes can be reused then why waste them. I re-use my code libraries. So whats wrong with eyes. Last year I filled the uniform donors form and submitted the same in PGI. I am not looking for some praises. I just want people to realise that a human life is more precious. Your eyes will be wasted. Pledge them. It costs nothing.
Locate nearest eyebank to your city in India -> http://www.ebai.org/html/admin/md_report.asp
The uniform donors form -> http://www.lvpei.org/pdfs/uniformdonorpledge.pdf

If you are lazy to download and print the form contact me. I will print and send the form for you. Now enough. Go ahead and do it. Need any help on this issue mail me.

This is a piece of fiction. This has been inspired by a real life incident.
How can cars without fuel run? Following is a fiction inspired from a real life incidence.

Will a vehicle run without fuel? Anyone will say no. Basanti had another idea.
Basanti. Oh Basanti. Good-looking gal. Fair colored. Fieve feet 2 inches with one-inch heel. Slim. Perfect 7/10 figure. She was having trouble in “using internet”. She used to call me on my cell. This was the time when incoming was paid and Nokia 3310 was a luxury. My dad in order to immobilize me preferred to get me cell phone rather than a bike. He used to call me any time. Now he knew what was eating, wearing, where was I roaming and with whom I was roaming.
One day Basanti insisted me to visit her home. Oh boy. This was an irresistible offer. A beautiful gal is inviting you. I started daydreaming. I was sure I would seduce her with my computing and hardware skills. But…
One week she continuously bugged me and I promised her that I would visit her on Friday or Saturday. Shubhu heard this and he said, “Dude this is the right chance. Go and do it.”
Ok I will do it. But what I am supposed to do?
OOPS said,” Moron go and hug her. Kiss her. If some thing goes wrong then appologise.”
Hey that’s too much. I don’t have guts to stand in front of her. And these guys want me to touch her. Not touch but kiss her.
Any way the D-Day approached. Hey wait a minute. I don’t even have a bicycle. How will I go to her house?
Solution. Ask for a lift. I asked my cousin to drop me near her house. He agreed but with some conditions.
“If I don’t hear a good news in the evening I will kill you.”
“What good news?”
“Dude this is the right time. Propose her.”
“What??”
“Yes”
“Oh come on brother.”
“I mean it. Go and do it.”
Oh no not again. This time I knew what he wanted me to do. So I didn’t ask him the do part. I again asked, “So you will drop me?”
“No, my colleague will drop you. I am bit busy.”
He called his colleague, “Hey Ajay listen my cousin have to see her girl friend. You spare some time and just drop him near her house and he will give you a call when he is finished doing his stuff, you collect him back.” And then he smiled.
I collected my toolkit, pack of CDs, checked that I have proper driver CDs
I reached her house armed with my toolkit and a pack of CDs. I was sure even if I didn’t kiss her I would impress her.
In all these preparations I forgot to have a proper breakfast and just swallowed a slice of bread with butter. I checked my hairstyle. I need shampoo and I must shave. I chose my new T-Shirt and denim with sport shoes. Wow my watch also matched with my clothes. So the dull looking engineer turned into a wow looking kool dude. “Yo Man! You rock”, I told myself.
Ring ring.
It’s my cell and oh it’s Basanti again.
“Hey, how are you”
“I am fine, when are you coming”
“I will come in after noon”
“OK, I am waiting for you.”
YESSSS!!!.
She is waiting for me. I will DO it. Come on KC, you can do it.
Around 1:30, Ajay Bhaiyya came, “Oye hero, are you ready for date?”
I said blushing, “Cool down brother. I am just going to fix a PC.”
“But Shelly told me…”, he looked at me carefully, ” and you have dressed up for a date. You never told me about your girl friend.”
After my 10 minutes explanation he said, “Listen man, I just want results. I will drop you there.”
He dropped me near her house and said, “Best of luck. Go ahead and do it.”
Yes, now I was in battleground. I needed lo of best wishes to survive.
I knocked at the door.
Her father greeted me.
“Hello son. She is waiting for you only”.
I smiled. It was the only gesture I could have at that time. I even did not introduce myself. And he recognized me. And there you see whole family. Her mom. Her brother also. They all meet me as I am a star.
“Come have lunch. Although we just finished but it wont take much time for me to prepare for you.” Her mother said after a quick introduction.
“No thanks aunty. I just had my meal.” I was lying. I had skipped breakfast and lunch was not planned. I was hungry. I am very shy guy when I meet new persons. Eating at some one’s place is like climbing mountain Everest for me. I even avoid drinking a glass of water. And I did not expect this. I was looking for a chance and now the chance of that chance had vanished.
They tried to force me but when I am determined no one can force me.
Now there was no way I could do that so like a doctor I enquired, “So where is the PC?”
Now it was her turn to speak, “I will show you first let me show you my house.”
“Yes beta.” Her dad supported. They both formed a majority.
And they took me to all rooms and even told me about expensive curtains. I am a dumb guy. I could not understand all the aesthetics.
And at last they showed me the PC. I was with her in her room. I was only looking at her PC and all I could see was a PC on a table and a chair. I was unable to turn my head and see anything else. I feel nervous at new places.
“So what is the actual problem?”
My hands were running on keyboard. 45 words per minute. I don’t touch mouse when I want to impress some one with my skills.
“Internet is not working,” she said innocently.
“Oh. Did u check all the connections?”
“Chetan I did everything. Please don’t trust me and you again check everything.” Again innocence.
Innocence is more lethal than a nuclear bomb.
“Ok I will do”, I said placing back keyboard.
Her brother joined us, “Do you have Oracle?”
He just surfaced like Agent Smith surfaced every now and then to make Neo’s life hell.
“No”, I also wanted to shout “Leave US alone.”
Some one gives me the Desert Eagle and I dump all the bullets in this guy’s chest. Any way.
I check everything.
Cables. Ok.
Jacks. Ok.
Dial tone. Ok.
Modem installed? Yes.
I even heard dial tone using windows dialer.
Everything is ok.
Then what is the problem?
I turn to her. Face to face this time. Oh she is fair colored. She can beat all the good-looking gals. Can I touch her now? Kiss?
“I need an internet account. I don’t have any package. What is the user name and password for this account?”
I double clicked and opened a dialup connection.
“I don’t have any account.” She said.
“Then how did you connect to internet last time?” Me said.
“I used this account.” And she wrote a user name password pair on a piece of paper.
Stupid girl. She could have told me verbally and could have saved this piece of paper for writing a love letter to me. SMS were not so normal that time.
I use the information and I was also not able to connect to Internet.
This was really a problem.
I decided to open the computer cabinet. I looked at her again. Shall I ask her for a date? Not now. Simply ask her if I can open the cabinet or not. There is high probability she will say yes to this question. The question of date must wait.
I asked her if I could open the cabinet. She looked at her brother and the guy looked at me. I got it. I have to assure them that I was not going to steal their RAM.
“Nothing will happen. I just want to check some connection.”
“No no. You open the cabinet if you want” her brother said.
WOW. I have some presence in this house. The girl likes me and her brother also likes me. Good.
I opened the cabinet. Checked modem. Touched CPU. Done everything. It was like a doctor checking X-Ray, blood report, urine report, stool report and blood pressure.
I reboot the machine. Again try to login. This time I looked at the error code. Username and or password are wrong.
I decided to use my account.
“There is some problem. I will use my account.” I wanted to tell her that how expensive was the account and I was only using this for her. I can buy all the internet packages for her. All the dialup accounts. Unlimited Internet access. Just be my date.
I changed settings to my account and it worked.
“See it’s working.” I told her. Her brother who was lying inactive on the bed for all this time suddenly gained some energy and said, “wow”.
He jumped from bed and stood behind me looking at the screen as it was showing Aishwarya Rai wearing bikini.
I launched Internet explorer and logged into my yahoo account.
Everything was working fine.
I disconnected the machine and then again used old settings. I was unable to connect.
I again logged in using my account details. She was looking at screen and her brother standing behind me. This time I decided to check her account details. I visited the ISP’s site and checked her account.
Her account has expired 2 weeks back.
I wanted to slam my head against wall.
“You need new account.” I told her.
“Really? No one told me that.”
I was planning to go on a date with her but she even can’t renew her internet account how can she live with me. Now I wanted to commit suicide.

I never allow current affairs to mess up with my personal life. I have a basic principle of life for nearly everything. I dont care. Although I have to care about many things but I really don’t care for everything. Will US bomb Iran? I have strong opinion on this point. US is just looking for OIL. Nothing else. Apne ko kya. But this time current affairs have started to mess with my life.
The Irani Nuclear bomb is a reality. No one can deny that Iran have nuclear bomb now. They pourchased it or devloped it is an another issue. US has got a reason to attack this beautiful country. No one will stop US. No one dared to stop US when they invaded Iraq. But why the hell I am concerned?
Another issue, the bird flu. As all know am a shamelss guy, I shamelessly asked some one who is immigrating to Canada for a farewell party. Mr. S Mohal. He shouted at me, “You bastard you are supposed to give me a farewell party.” I said, “Kool down bro, I want to change this world. Lets start from you. ”
So we gathered at Gymkhana Club Sector 17 for some drinks. This time strictly it was beer. No Whisky or RUM. No Bacardi I was told catagorically. OK.
Mr. Perry, Mr. Mohal, Dr. Khosla and me. 4 guys, 2 married 2 bachelor and drinks.
Mr. Perry, “So?”
This was a question as he was looking at menu.
“Have you heard of bird flu?”
He asked this to every one.
“Yes, I have decided not to look at chicken.”, Mr Mohal said.
“I always tell you, this chicken stuff is useless.” Dr Khosla commented. Dr. Khosla is a world known Palentoligist. He has recieved President’s Junior Scientist award 3 times. His personal collection have fossilised bones of Dinosaurs, egg shells and what else…
“I have also said no to poulty products.”, Mr. Perry this time.
Mr. Perry said, “Fish?”
Mohal: No yaar. I dont like.
Dr. Khosla: Leave it. We will go for peanut masala.
Perry: Yes. We will order Paneer.
In a democratic country like India, 75% means majority and you can pass orders without looking at minority. They ordered Paneer Tikka and even didn’t look at my face. I love chicken and mutton. I wanted to argue with them. But current affairs have messed up with my party. In dinder it was mushroom and paneer again. Even Bhupi denied my invitation of chicken. I went home cursing bird flu and George Bush for messing up with my life.

PS: How to make Peanut masala?
I like cooking and if allowed I always mess up in kitchen. Peanut masala is very easy to make snack. You need peanuts, ofcourse fried but not too much, finely chopped onions, green chillies and tomatoes. Mix up all these. Add salt to taste. Dash of lime juice. Some coriander leaves make this snak good. The Maharashtraian Bhelpuri is also similarly made. This time you need rice flakes, Bhujia and more stuff. But I like Peanut Masala. With or without 2 small pegs of Bacardi. CHEERS!!

I consider myself a smart ass guy. Kool dude. Ystrday I was in good mood. Kool mood. Was looking good. I got adventerous and I asked a girl for date. To my surprise she agreed. What is this? I was planning to shock her and she shocked me. Anyway. I was on cloude nine and her yes energised me. I asked another girl and she was shocked. She was scared. Said, you dont look ok today. Anyway. In the evening I called Mah. In the first time in my life I asked her for a good bye kiss and she promptly kissed me. Rest of the time its Mah who will kiss me without me asking for it.
But later today I realised I have been a bad guy. I did some thing wrong. Now I even can’t go and appologise for my behaviour. I was trying to be a top gun but now I feel I was getting over confident.
Am so sorry
Forgive me Innerself.

I am in mid of a crucial online meeting and I recieve a call. This call is from a Professor who was a committee member in a Government Project which we worked on.
“Hello Chetan”
“Hello Sir”
“How are you? Dear I have a small issue. Can you resolve it?”
There is one Hindi saying, “Kaan khade ho jana”, to get alert. Any one of the committee member can object at any phase of the project forcing us to redo everything. For me this “small issue” sounded like an danger alarm.
“Yes sir tell me”
“I think some paper has stuck in my printer. Can you come over and have a look?”

Some time I think Yahoo! ppl have got all the emotion icons.
Being an IT guy has been a pain in ass some times.
All of my neighbours has asked me to fix their PC, teach them or their kids INTERNET, install drivers, remove viruses and all those stuff computers can deal with.
I was doing dimploma in Electronics and Comm. Engg. I had done wiring in my room, assembled audio amps for my pals, digital clocks, touch sensors, bugs, transmitters, recievers. I was doing what I love. I will voluntarily repair radios, TVs, washing machines, electrical stuff and some times mechanical stuff also. This made my image of a mechanic who was consulted before purchasing anything even bulb. The things were ok till I was studying. After that I saw the real world. People will call me not becaouse I was a good guy, just coz I was a free mechanic. I started avoiding this and IT was happening. A chance interview and I was into IT.
When I do some thing I develop a passion for it.
When I jumped into IT field I realised windows was not the end of the world. Linux came. I was formally wedded with a PIII in 2001. I think the word shud be WELDED. I found 24 hours very less time I could spend with my new found love.
My dad used to threat me, “Son go to sleep now or I will throw this PC into dustbin.”
This wasnt enuff. My Computing Gyan made me infamous among my pals. And my pals started spreading the word. In my starting days I even desoldered some boards. Some of my so called friends infact invited me to their places. They even took me to their relatives places, even to their work places. I still remember one guy plan to charged 500 Rs to his company on my behalf. He knew I love chocolates and chocolate bourbons and he kept the supply on during all my repairing sessions. I even helped people in their VB projects. I hate VB and never installed VB on my machine.
This image is still with me. Ppl call me to get their machines fixed. To help them with assignments. I am not working with some big gun company so they think I am a totally free guy and I can fix the USB port. I can download the pictures in their cell phone to their PC. Or if I can not do all these I can atleast teach them MS Word.
Nitin asked me to paste a sticker on my bike.
It shud say
IT_GUY.TOTALLY_XHTML1.0_COMPLIANT