Shameless Self Promotion ;-) ™ © ℠ ®

Bole to aaj apun ke ek net pal ka B’day hai.
Happy B’day Mangesh…
I will keep bugging you as usual.
May this year u get ur _
May this year u clear all ur exams and break all the world records
May this year U upgrade UR PC
May this year I learn some marathi from you
May you find all the things you wish…
Happy B’day

“Hello Sir…”
“Oh hi, how are you?”, the person on other side didnt let me intoduce myself. I am a big star. No moron. This is called caller identification service. You call some one cell phone and your number is displayed. Sad. The appointment is fixed with Mr. D. Time 12:30. Around 12:25 I am inront of Mr. D’s office. His office is locked.
Anyway I can wait for 5 minutes. Lets walk in the gallery. 10 steps forward and 10 steps back. This will help me in loosing weight. I am gaining weight. OK lets start loosing wieght.
One step.
Two setp.
Three step.
When the hell time will turn 12:26 to 12:30.
Anyway, the time can not stop. It may increase the speed of time when your enjoying and when you are waiting for some one it may halt.
12:26:30
12:26:31
12:26:32
Some time watching a digital clock can be very entertaining. It can be such a fun if you are in a gallery where you are the only one. No one else but you.
But all good things come to an end.
Its 12:27:45.
What now?
Look at name plates. Read all the name pates. With a reading speed more than my typing speed this was just 2 minutes job.
Hurray!!!
12:30 IST.
But I was misstaken.
IST stands for Indian Stretchable time.
And doing same 10 step walk I spend another 5 minutes cursing all the Indians who dont care for time. But then suddenly time changed. No no, not to 12:36 but to happy times. I see a lady entering the gallery. Beautiful. Young. Height, one inch less than mine. Hairstyle…umm till date I am not able to classify hairstyle but it was a good hairstyle. Yellow Punjabi suite. She looks wow. She is coming toward me.
YES, toward me.
Time has changed.
How to impress a lady?
The one who finds the answer will get all the Nobels, as this skill is both a science and art. Persons like me who can just hit keyboard know nothing. So better pretend you never saw her and I keep my 10 step walk program continue. She passed me. I had scanned her but pretended that I never saw her. I was at the end of th gallery hence I was sure she can not ago anywhere but wait like me as all the cabins were locked.
HIP HIP HURRAY!!
And the same happend. I turned back and saw her standing infront of a cabin. There she was standing. Pretty Lady. Do I need to sing Pretty Lady to impress her? Then suddenly I realised she looked at me. I gave a careless look. I am not looking at you lady. I am not like those morons who are always looking at women. And after finishing my 10 step I again turn back. I fooled her. I did see her. She has got a cellphone. Nokia 2200. Good. I will ask her to shift to Airtel, then I will subscribe to soem unlimited calling plan and will talk with her. What else I can do? Thinking this I finish my 1oth step and turn back and see her standing midway of my 10 step walk route.
Look am a magnet. This woman has been attracted by my persona. She is impressed by me. I can surely ask her for a date.
But still I pretend I don’t care and take 3 steps and turn back. Let her break the ice. Why always a man? Let her talk to me. If I will get a date she will also get a date with a great man like me. Now my greatness has not been recognised by this world is an another issue. Why do women want men to beg on their knees? Why? Mystery.
In my life I am sure at a point of time I will be able to solve any mathematical equation, but I will not still be able to tell what a woman is.
This time I took more time to finish my remaining 3 steps. And when I turn back she is not there. She has again gone to that cabin. 15 steps away from me. Sad. What if I keep walking and she is not able to start a conversation and we both miss the date? No no. Let me initiate.
And the lady is looking at me.
LOOKING AT ME.
…and smiling.
Killer smile.
No its confusing. Is she really looking at me or looking at my side. I again pretend I never saw her smile. I keep reactions inside my brain and take my steps. And as soon as I am reaching my 7th step the lady starts walking towards me.
This is it. She wants to talk with me. I will impress her. Will take her to Sukhna Lake. The most appropriate place for some one like me. No shops. No expensive cafe. No expensive restraunt. Total expense not more than 100 bucks including the fuel expenses. And above all I like sukhna lake. She looks pretty in suite but she will look same good in any dress.
In all these thoughts I didn’t notice I was just 2 steps away from her and she was really smiling. I think its time to stop pretending. Not good. Its not courtsey. Must reply a smile by a smile. This beahviour of mine will not get me any date.
And as soon as I decide to spread a smile I hear voice from back side.
“Hello Mrs. Khanna, sorry I am late.”
And Mrs. Khanna. Yes, she is Mrs, not Miss. She is talking with a doctor and they both walk out of gallery.
Close encounter of the third kind. Good, I kept my thoughts within myself.

PS: This was in draft mode for long and at last its out. Simply a fiction and again inspired by a fact. I was waiting for some one and saw one smart lady. Rest all is spicy as usual. As usual lot of grammatical errors and typos are present. Not satisfied. Actually I dont want to write good stuff. I dont want to win Nobel prize every year.

One of my collegue asked me. Infact he was confirming.
“23rd is holiday.”
I looked at him with a question mark on my face.
“Why”
“23rd is a Governmentt Holiday.”
“So…?”
My reactions confirmed that there was no chance of holiday.
“No, I was just telling.”
“Do you know why 23rd is a govt holiday?”
“No, actually my dad told me that 23rd is his holiday…”
The guy had no answer.
But I have.
23rd is a black day in Indian history. We lost Bhagat Singh.
For my friends less informed, the Bhagat Singh is same guy whome Mr. MK Gandhi could have saved. Who could have changed the face of India. The guy suffered same fate as other opposer of MK Gandhi suffered. Nodbody remembers them. Very few care about Bhagat Singh and those who care just came to know about Bhagat Singh after watching Ajay Devgun as Bhagat Singh or more recently after watching Rang De Basanti.
There is one problem with Indians. We don’t value our heros. We need a holiday associated with their death or birthday. If no holiday we dont remeber them. I hav been very much inspired by Bhagat Singh and his philospohy. My athiesm is due to some of his thoughts. 23rd is not the day of just remebering and reading the biography of Bhagat Singh but its the day to sit back and think what have we done to the country for which Bhagat Singh gave his life.
Although I can not compare myself with Bhagat Singh but I am serving my motherland. I am not littering my city. Paying taxes, even when I know the tax I pay will be used to buy laptops for our politicians who don’t know what a laptop is. I prefer buying Indian products. Above all, even after offer for free immgration consultation, I still dont want to apply for any work visa.
Putting India’s point and telling people that Indians are not cheap labor. They cost less and give quality work.
This is an incomplete post…
Why?