Shameless Self Promotion ;-) ™ © ℠ ®

I am unique like every one else.
I can make my presence felt immediately. I have a unique face. The very first look makes sure that no one forgets me. And if a conversation is started the other side will end up worshipping me.

OK, I agree that last line is exaggeration. But still I can convince every one that I am really unique and no on like me exist in this galaxy. (Where are you all the beautiful girls? Am still single.)

Many people said, man you are full of energy and confidence. But I have been over confident too.

During first year of my diploma, my teachers were able to notice me. I was leading group experiments. Our English teacher decided to change the way were studying. He wanted to improve our personality.

So one good day when we were rushing to our class rooms.

Me: Crap. This guy, (our teacher) is full of crap.

My pals Bhupi and Devinder were not interested in my thoughts and didn’t even notice what I was saying. The dames of our class were also coming out of girl’s hostel. Now it is normal for guys to forget everything and drool over beautiful girls.

One girl: Hi KC.
Me: Hi, how are you.

The girl was one of the studious book worm kind of, what do you call those people who know nothing except course books.

The girl: You know sir has asked me to prepare a lecture. I don’t know what to do.
Me: You know this guy is crap.
The girl: No, he is not
WOW. I found some one who is listening to me. Bug her.
Me: Amita, you are mistaken. Do you know all he is doing is out of syllabus? He is just forcing us to sit in class room.
Amit: No KC, don’t you know he is also going to ask you to prepare a lecture
Me: What???
Amita: Yes KC, he has asked Preet also. You were not in class but he was looking for you.

Now this was enough to worry me. I rushed to class and occupied the 2^nd seat. Here comes Mr. Crap, our English teacher. And wow, he discovered me in the class. I could see his EUREKA smile when he saw me sitting in 2^nd row.

Mr. Crap: Hey, where were you yesterday?
Me: good after noon sir. I was not well sir.
Mr. Crap: how are you now?
Me: all well sir.
Mr. Crap: good. I want you to prepare a lecture on a topic of our choice. You are supposed to read that lecture in front of class.
Me: (no emotions)
Mr. Crap: Good.

After the class ended, I had enough reason to criticize Mr. Crap. In the class of 60 students he only found 2 students and discovered me as good enough.

Bhupi: Look at Mr. Sharma. Only he can match Mr. Preet and Ms Amita. By the way man we are proud of you.
Devinder: Yes, after all we can tell folks at home that our pal is a book worm.

Both guys laugh. I crib. Anyway there is nothing like problem in my dictionary. So I sit and write a long speech and start pruning it. By the end of the day I have my stuff ready. I come out my room and decide to spy on Preet Singh’s idea. That guy is brainy. He is good at English too. His schooling is from a convent school.

I just enter his room without knocking at room. No one knocks at the door in hostels. You just barge in. WHAT?? The guys is standing in front of mirror and reading his lecture loudly.

Me: Hey what are you doing?
Preet: Practicing for tomorrow’s lecture.
Me: Man are you crazy?
Preet: No dear. This is the only way to practice for debates and lectures.
Me: This is crap. Anyway. I will let you do this.

I leave him. This guy is totally crap. He never shares his assignments. Never shared his notes. And anything else. He lacks confident. I tell myself and return to room just to see my pals reading my script.

Devinder: Man this is good. Are you practicing?
Me: Practicing?? Man I wrote this my self do I still need to practice?
Bhupi: Hero, you need to do rehearsal. Read this loudly for me.
Me: Hey cut this crap.

I give them a careless look.

Let it come and I will see it.
And next day I see Amita, reading a long paper.
I interrupt her, Hi
Amita: Hi KC. I am preparing for lecture.
Me: Kool down yaar. Nothing is going to happen
Amita: No no. I know nothing is going to happened but still I am practicing.
Me:???

What is wrong with this world? Where is the confidence? People lack confidence.

And the class begins.

Mr Crap: So today is our lecture day. Let’s begin with Amita.

Amita is sanding in front of class. She is reading her script easily. There is nothing big. Why the hell she was preparing for this 5 minutes job? And that book worm. Preet Singh with glasses on his eyes. Specy. He was reading his script loudly. And I don’t know when Preet Singh earned his share of claps and returned to his seat. Now suddenly every eye is searching for me.

Mr. Crap: Now last but not least. Kumar Chetan. Come on. Its your turn now.
Me: Mine???

Really it was my turn now.
My turn.
My turn.

Get up man. I tell myself. I stand up and leave my seat. Suddenly I realize that I have left my sack full of confidence at my seat. 50 pairs of eyes looking at me. I am in front of class. My back toward black board. Mr. Crap standing on my left side. I looked at my script. Suddenly I find that the scrip is written in French language. I can’t read it. I just swallow whatever was in my mouth. The screen is totally blank in front of my eyes. My mouth is sealed. I even can not move my lips. My tongue is stuck some where in my mouth.

Mr. Crap: Now start.
And at last me: Hello Friends, I can not read this script.

And I walk to my seat.