Shameless Self Promotion ;-) ™ © ℠ ®

Following are lyrics from track “Lemon tree” by Fool’s Garden

I’d like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I’m waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me ’bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I’m turning my head up and down
I’m turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I as a web developer have suffered too many set backs while trying to code some thing that works fine in all browsers or at least in majority of browsers. But every now and then I face issues that just make me turn my head up and down and I turn around and around and all that I can see is just another lemon tree.

 Latest cross browser issue I faced was not due to my coding and I was not supposed to fix and above all developers simply said, F**K IE.

There are many problems in IE, memory leak, some faulty garbage collection routines and security holes and so on. So you end up using FireFox. But then there are people on this planet who will eat shit but use FireFox. For people whom all this sounds confusing, mind it web browsers are hitting personal lives of many people, mine also.

Here is a link which explains why me (too!) use FireFox -> http://www.webdevout.net/firefox-myths#standards_compliant

I tried to use Opera as one of my very good friend Dr. Abhishek Puri pointed out some problems with FF. But then I was used to FF and later on I discovered Google was offering me money if I pushed forward FF.

Kool!

But I remember my conversation with Adnan and we concluded that W3 is simply acting as UN, Microsoft as US and FireFox as North Korea. W3 advocates standards and rules and Microsoft says I dont give a damn to you and FF says we will keep testing our weapons.

I have always been labeled as person who will never miss a chance to throw a dialogue.  I dont watch too much movies but I do like some classics. Bollywood classics being on top. So after a research and copying stuff from internet (from here basically) I added some stuff from my side and here it is, a complete guide for writing a script for a typical Hindi movie.

Main tumhaare bachche ki maan banne waali hoon.
Main kahan hoon?
Boss! Maal pakda gaya.
Hato naa!  Log kya kahenge.
Thairo! Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti !
Chhod do mujhe, bhagwaan ke liye chhod do
Bataao Heere kahan hai ?
Kya tum mere bachpan ke bichde bhai ho ?
Ab yeh natak band karo.
Tum mujhse kitna pyar kar te ho ?
Main abhi kunwari hoon.
Ahsaan Faraamosh !!
Maa, main ab dekh sakta hoon.
Tumhe yaad hai wo toofani raat ?
Mujhe kuch yaad nahi aa raha hai.
Mai kahti hoon, Door ho jaa meri nazron sey
Yahan teri izzat bachane koi nahi ayega
Main, apka yeh ehsaan kabhi nahi bhul sakta.
Pati parmeshwar hota hai.
Yeh baraat ab wapas jayegi.
Dunyaki koi takat hame juda nahi kar sakti.
Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai
Judge sahab, maine khoon nahi kiya.
Kash tum mera yakin kar sakti
Mein kisi ke muh dikhane kabil nahi rahi
Ham barbad ho gaye
Tum mujhe achchey lagte ho.
Ghar mein jawan beti hai ……..
Maa, isne kal meri izzat bachaiee hai
Tumhare  khyal kitne neech hain
Tum mujhe galat samajh rahi ho….kash mein sachchai bata sakta
Mai gareeb hoon na , isliye ?
Tum kisiki najayaz aulad ho.
Tumhari Seema kisi aur ke saat gulcharrey uda rahi hai.
Bhagwan mainey tumse aaj tak kuch nahin maanga…..
Mai tumhare bina nahin jee sakti
Kanoon ke haath bahut lambe hote hein
Bhai saheb, yeh dono saath college mein pad tey hain.
Rukjao! kanoon ko apne haath mein mat lo
Gawahon key bayaanat aur saboot ko madde nazar rakhtey huey….
Muzrim ko ba-izzat bari kiya jaata hai
Inspector! Giraftaar karlo issey
Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhaane ke layak nahin rahe
Agar tumhare yaar ko zinda dekhna chahti ho, to nachna shuru karo.
Kya issi din ke liye tujhe paal pos ke bada kiya tha?
Mainey is zameen ko apne khoon sey seencha hai
Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein
In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai
Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!

Doctor: Ab Sab oopar waale key haath mein hai
Doctor: I’m sorry, hum kuch nahin kar sakey
Doctor: 24 ghante tak hosh nahin aiya to …..
Doctor: ab inhe dawa nahi dua hi bacha sakti hai …..

Agar Maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa.
Jyaada hoshiayari karne ki koshish maat karna.
Munni bai, Thakur saheb aaye hai.
Nahin chhodunga tujhe. Jaan sey maar daaloonga.
Maa!!, Sab kehte hai ke tum yek vaishya ho !
Bhagwaan pe bharosa rakho. Sab thik ho jaiye ga
Woh ek gandi naali ka keeda hai
Mera dil dhak-dhak karta hai
Ek phooti kaudi nahin doonga
Zamaane ne thokar laga-laga ke is dil ko paththar bana diya
Kutte! Kamine ! …..
Chudeil! Kide pade tere …..
Boss!, maal versova beach pe theek bara baje aayega
Tumne yeh kiya, to mujhse bura koi nahin hoga
Woh kutte ki maut marega
Tune {Put whatever here} kiya to tu mere mara muh dekhegi
Apne aap ko police ke hawaale kar do.
Apne hathiyaar phenk do
Keshto:  Hi-HEEYAAHH!
Har kutte ka din aata hai
Mai tumahara aihsaan zindagi bhar nahin bhoolonga
Itnay paise tum kahan sey laiye ?
Bacchhhhaaaooooooooooo…….
Police mere peeche lagi hui hai ..
Bataao kya keemat hai tumhari ?
Tum mere liye mar chuke ho
Maine do din se kuch nahi khaya, ek roti ka tukda de do na.
Ghar mein do-do jawaan betiyaan hein
Lo! -  Muh meetha karo
Waada karo ke hamesha mere rahoge ?
Khabardaar jo mujhe haath bhi lagayaa ..
Aarre! isse to tez bukhaar hai
Maa tum kitni achi ho
Bhaiyaaa!
Yeh aap kya keh rahen hein, bhai sahab?
Uska dosh sirf itna hai key wo gharib hai !
Aaj Pinky ka janam din hai
Gurkha, isse dhakke maarke bahar nikaal do
Mai yeh tumhaara aihsaan zindagi bhar nahin bhoolonga
Yeh anyay hai Bhagwan
Driver, gaadi roko
DSP/ACP/DCP/SP/IG/Inspector Iftikhar: Police ko tum jaise naujawaanon per naaz hai
Ab tumhari maa hanmare kabze mein hai
Ek baar mujhe maa kehkar pukaro beta
Yeh khoon maine kiya hai, mylord!
Bhaagne ki koshish mat karna
Mujhe tumhaare is behte hue khoon ki kasam ….
Yeh sauda tumhe bahut mehnga padega thakur/chowdhry/raka/shaka/rakal/shakal/…
Baby Chintu/Pintu/Pinky/Tinky: Maa, mai first class first pass ho gaya hoon
Mausi/Ma: Beti, tu to paraya dhan hai.

Viiijjjjaaaaayyyy !!

Pesh hai duniya ke jaane-maane kalakaar, Miss Renu
Zabaan ko lagaam do ..
Hume tedi anguli se ghee nikaalna aata hai
Kutte ki dum tedi-ki-tedi hi rehti hai
Bhabhi,  tumhare haath ki chai peene ko man kar raha hai
Dharam Paaji: Chun Chun ke maaroonga, ek-ek ko chun chun ke maroonga
Tune mere peeth pe chura bhoka hai
Heroin to villain: Bhagwaan ke liye mujhe chhod do!
Prem Chopra or Prem Chopra kind of villain: Aaare bhagwaan ke liye chhod doon to mai kya karoon?
Tum jis thali me khate ho, usi me ched karte ho.
Pandit ji: prasaad khao Betaa?
Wo jab tak ghar na aaye, main khana nahin khaoongi.
Aaj Karwa chouth hai.
Jaaneman, zara ghunghat to hataao ?
Thakur Sahab/Chaudhary/Rai Saheb/Raja Saheb: kaan khol kar sun lo …..
tum akele nahin ho, main jo tumhare saat hoon
aarder aarder (translation:  order, order (judge in court room scene) )
bees saal pehle diwali ki raat ….
Tumhre pas kya nahin hai heera,jawaharat,naukar,chakar,gadi,bangala, paisa. Phir bhi tumhe is do take ki ladki/ladke ko is ghar ki bahu/damaad banana chahte ho ?

Climax
lead character is shot and he/she is going to die
he/she: beta/beti muje wo gaana to suna do jo tum {Whatever be the occasion} par gaate the

Indian Mutiny.